Well, it’s been a while.
I have Fibromyalgia. Hypothyroid, Type 2, and Gilbert’s Syndrome from an undiagnosed or treated incidence of Sheehan’s Syndrome in 1992. Let’s not forget the inherited HEDS and suspected Lupus.
Yes. Soooooooooooo boring. Who doesn’t? Not an excuse, just get on with it I hear you cry. So, I have.
I am champion at burning the candle at EVERY end. Then burning the ashes. Can’t leave a mess.
The beginning of Covid saw me move closer to London (which is an embarrassed way of saying Stevenage, which was also a mistake). But I didn’t let the move or isolation of more than one kind, stop me. Covid meant people didn’t have money for couture handmade lingerie? But, the trend and growth of sew-your-own was one I could and can get behind ideologically. I started designing my own because there wasn’t any for plus size and I wanted to force change in the industry by proving that luxury lingerie was not only possible, but there was a demand for it. I did that. I can’t tell you how many trends I started in Chinese fashion factories. If you go back in time in my social media, I marked each time I was copied by posting “Thank you for playing!”
You can’t copyright fashion. That’s why there is such huge secrecy before runway shows. Once it’s out there, its fair game. So, rather than watch my designs get inferior copies on Alibaba/Temu why not teach the world how to at least get my designs right.
So patterns. I taught myself Adobe Illustrator (thank you to a Burda Adobe Illustrator sewing pattern making course I can no longer find the link for. If you know it, paste it in the comments and I will happily share! It seems to be over 🙁 ) and made my first pdf patterns sized UK 14-32. I’ve had hundreds of downloads. No complaints. At least not that I have heard of or to my face. 😉
That’s the one thing I hate the most about the small lingerie business. Envy. (Again if I can find it, here’s a great article that spells it out very nicely. It was written during the BB debacle, oddly by one of the “loudest” offenders.) To put it simply, you can be jealous wishing you had the skill level of another artist praising them but still wishing you could be them. Then there is the far uglier ENVY where when someone of equal or greater talent, you would gleefully push under a train to remove them from the field. Trash talk. Nit pick. Slander. Destroy reputations and customer confidence in order to remove rivals and self promote. As mainly women owners and creators there is waaaaaay too much of that in this particular circle of hell. As women, we should and MUST support and uphold each other. But the constant gruelling takedown by mean girls was and is soul destroying. I call the people who do this “flying monkeys”. As in…
“It’s all fun and games until the flying monkeys attack.”
Somewhere in 2021 my body began to give out. The never-ending work and the never-ending vicious, false and dead envious posts by flying monkeys slowed me down to almost silence. I know. They don’t get what I do. They don’t get my mission. And although they say they are plus friendly, not a one of them makes anything above a size 20 by high street standards. And then its a robe, or worse yet a cape. And my body was simply not there to fight back.
2023 was a real back to reality slap in the face.
I broke up with my then partner of 11 years (BitCoin is a scam people.) Got the FUCK out of St. Evenage. And am rebuilding my life gratefully on my own. My body is still fucked and everyday is pain. But my mind is alight with new ideas, directions and understanding of what it is to be me.
Unlimited. I have done a shitload of stuff and I want to do it all. Why just knickers? I am not just a pair of stunning cleverly designed and comfortable sexy pants! I have degrees in Silversmithing, Psychology, qualified Holistic Therapist, and Full Stack, end to end Developer. I want to use all of me and to STOP apologising for being so FABULOUS so a bunch of insecure limited women will feel better about themselves! So, yes. There will be blow back from said “flying monkeys” on how I’m not a proper designer as I am colouring outside the lines.
But, FUCK ‘EM.
They, like Trump and every other Musk-loving S.O.B. can suck it. No Limits. I decide what I do and who I want to be and what I make. I am excellence itself, and so is everything I make and choose to deliver.
Want to help? Next time you see envy, tear its wings off. Lift up fellow makers. It takes a whole lot of guts and courage to even try.
Or, in other words… So, I making soap now too.
You go, girl!!!